Wednesday, 31 July 2013

PCDBL - The Teams and Coaches Pt 2

Welcome back you lovers of the shiny ball!  Today we will be continuing the run down of the reprobates participating in the league and hopefully giving you a little window into their souls.  Just remember what Nietzsche said though:

"... if you gaze long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss will also gaze into you."

Then again he had syphilis and probably fancied his sister so we can probably discount any advice he had to offer; so gaze on brave reader!

Team Super Nashwan Coach Gaz

Normally to be seen destroying people's dreams at Warmahordes tournaments Gaz is a new comer to the world of Dreadball.  To underestimate him though and his Void Siren style team would be a mistake.  The combination of the teams flexibility and Gaz's killer instinct on the gaming table will make them a force to be reckoned with.

Team Helheim Serpents Coach Alaisdhair

More Dreadball freshmeat!  Alaisdhair hails from a 40k background so we'll be checking to make sure he's not brought any guns to the party.  Or swords for that matter ... In fact what is it with the 41st century and sword obsession?  Get a gun you power armoured clowns!  Ahem; anyway for PCDBL Alaisdhair will be fielding the vertically challenged hairy faced forgefathers.  Just nobody mention Squats OK?

Team Olympiakos Paiderastes Coach Sonny "the Greek"

What have Greeks ever given us?  Democracy, philosophy, mathematics, kebabs, economic disaster, oiled naked man wrestling; the list is both long and impressive.  The real question is though can they also provide the next PCDBL Champion? Sonny will be attempting to make this a reality by leading out his Trontek style team in an effort to reignite the glories of Ancient Greece.  Is he the true descendant of Leonidas, Xenophon and Alexander?  Probably not but he might win a few matches of Dreadball!

Team Titanium Terrors Coach Stuart J

This meat is so fresh it doesn't even know it's dead yet!  We'll sort that out in the next 48 hours though with his first game of Dreadball. Stuart is fielding a robot team who I have to say are a popular team choice in the league.  He will be hoping the quick changes and well oiled tactics of these armoured algorithms will lead to victory; defeat does not compute!

Team Guttersnipe Racketeers Coach Lee U

Lee is fielding the Veer-myn!  Sure, they're a bunch of rat bastards who should be kept in labs for the purposes of cosmetics testing but lets not hold that against them.  Unnaturally quick strikers with surprisingly capable guards make a powerful combination and an entertaining team to watch.  It's just the fur and uncontrollable urination I can't cope with; still, Lee has promised to see his doctor about his personal issues before the league starts.

Team Jackhammers Coach Jack

What could be more appropriate than a team of jacks, coached by Jack, called the Jackhammers?  It's almost like we plan this shit!  Jack is another new player seduced by the automated attraction of the robot team and who can blame him?  As Jack says:

"You have 14 rushes to comply ..."

Team J-MEAT  Coach Pete

Pete, being a long time player of Blood Bowl (henceforth referred to as the Game That Dare not Speak Its Name), asked me:

"ParthianShot, you wise and most knowledgeable fellow, who plays most like Wood Elves?"

There was only one answer and as such Pete will be fielding the Judwan!  Personally this scares me a little not because the Judwan are unbeatable (they aren't, but feel free to debate that if you like) but because Pete has the brain of a Ukranian Chess Grandmaster.  Fortunately he rolls dice like a clown shoe so it all balances out eventually!

Team <TBC>  Coach  Phil

I don't know about you, dear readers, but I think anything with more than four legs should be hit repeatedly with a rolled up newspaper.  When they get this large however anything less than a thermonuclear device is just going to piss them off.  Phil is a bit off the beaten track gamewise, normally to be seen commanding 20 mm World War 2 miniatures to victory.  His soviet-like disregard for the life of his troops should stand him in good stead in the Dreadball arena though.  OOO-RAHH!

Team Zhambel Horsemen Coach Rob H.

Taking a break from chasing TIE fighters in games of X-Wing, Rob is hoping that the force will be with him on the Dreadball pitch.  His choice of a Trontek style corporation team is solid one and quite popular in the league.  One thing I can say with certainty is that there will be no snogging of your own sister, unexpected paternity revelations or compulsion to "let the Wookie win" in PCDBL.

Moreover there will be punishments for ANYONE referring to Lee U as a wookie;  we're all thinking it, just don't say it!

Team Iron Sparkies Coach  Jake

ANOTHER 29er team!  Jake is an artist at heart, attracted to the models first and foremost  as a random purchase.  We all appreciate a decent paint job; thing is what is it going to look like after being comprehensively violated by a bunch of psychotic loons?  I don't know about you sports fans, but I can't wait to see!

That's all for now Dreadball fans.  Stay classy until next time!

ParthianShot signing off!


In true rat-fashion sneakiness we've had a last minute entry bringing the league up to 20 teams.

Team The Disrespecters Coach Darrell

Having gone from having a single Veer-myn teams in the league, Darrell's team of sewer dwellers has made them one of the most popular teams in the league!  maybe its true what they say after all you're only ever one strike away from a Veer-myn!

Friday, 26 July 2013

PCDBL - Greetings Sports Fans! The Coaches Pt 1

It's hot, it's hard and it's fast just like a sweaty geek rubbing his junk on a Forgeworld catalogue;


The crowds have been going wild for Dreadball at Phatcats and with our local league about to start I, your faithful man on the spot, am here to introduce you to the sporting mayhem that lies ahead.  Sixteen coaches and their teams of barely sentient pain dealers will be battling it out on the neon lit pitches of the future.  Strikes will be scored, blood will be spilled and the Dice Gods will mete out benevolence and retribution in a statistically improbable fashion.  There will be elation, despair and a few tears (manly tears of loss you understand, not girly tears because you've banged your elbow in a painful fashion or because they've screwed your favourite Warmahordes caster in a FAQ).

All the results and match reports will be published here as well as the league table and coach interviews (hopefully with a load of blatant trash talking).  Look out for profiles of the rising stars of the league as well as the inevitable obituaries of the famous and infamous.

Without further ado lets introduce you to some of the teams and coaches to look out for:

Team:  Brutal Deluxe  Coach:  Dan

Playing in the Void Siren style, Brutal Deluxe are relying on their versatile Jacks and FOUR coaching dice to establish a foothold in the early league games to build on.  Led by one of the more experienced coaches, Brutal Deluxe will be looking to use all the guile and cunning they can muster to defeat the more powerful teams in the league

Dan says of his team

"We're here to pleasure ladies and win; and all the ladies just left town."

Team:  Psychotic Stunties Coach:  Lee O.

Forgefathers make a tough proposition being very strong and resilient.  Their speed provides the only real weakness to exploit but a a wall of angry forgefathers can be nigh on impossible to breach.  Lee O has a few games under his belt and no doubt has considered how best to make use of his team of angry midgets.  It will probably involve inflicting a lot of pain though.

Team: Crimson Corpse Creators  Coach:  Coops

The combination of mentally unhinged Orx and sneaky Goblins is a potential league winner if applied in the right fashion.  Fortunately Coops is a veteran player with tournament experience under his belt and has faced off against virtually every team out there.  This will not doubt prove decisive when comes to the league and opponents should expect to beef up their medical insurance in prelude to a match against these mentalists.

Team L.C.B.W. Coach:   Nick

Oooo .... Judwan.  The long-armed Yewtree suspects under the auspices of Nick have proven to be a tough nut to crack in one off warm up games.  Until recently they had enjoyed a 100% win record utilising their speed and throwing ability to dominate the game.  The league might prove a more challenging proposition though given their innately squishy nature and the cost of replacements.  There's not a coach out there that doesn't dread the day that Nick rolls a skill boost for a Judwan star player ...

A note on the team name; PCDBL is happy to take rude, offensive and scatological suggestions for what the acronym is. 

Team:  Rico's Roaches  Coach:  Anton

Urgh!  Pass me the kettle; these bastards are swarming!  It's the Zz'or!  These skittering freaks are part of season two of Dreadball and, to be honest, I'm not sure anyone has played against them at the club!  They should be one to watch though with excellent Jacks and the hardest Guard in the game.  Moreover  Anton is the godfather of Dreadball at Phatcats and his casually brutal playing style is always entertaining to watch.  Its going to take more than a can of ant powder to get rid of this lot!

Team:  Panzerkrieg  Coach:  Spencer

Vorsprung der Fick Dich!  Like a Nazi football team this well oiled Robot team is precision engineered for persecution and pogroms.  Their efficient kill rate and accurate scoring is nothing less than their Fuhrer expects.  Other coaches might be hoping for a less effective performance though!  Be on the look out for the tricksy robots changing role mid game;  this gives them unprecedented versatility if the dice are in your favour.

As Spencer says

"For you ze league is OVER!"

Team Lady Destroying Behemoths  Coach  Ross Koch-McLovin

The second human team in the league, Lady Destroying Behemoths, play in the Trontek style bringing the all round human capability with the advantage of two starting cards to keep their opponent guessing.  Added to the team is the looming presence of Ross; throwing the board into shadow with his Godzilla like bulk and glaring at his opponent with his trade marked "prepare your anus" face.  One would like to think its all about gamesmanship but there have been too many disappearances and too many witnesses silenced for it to be coincidental.  Draw your own conclusions ...

Team Squat Thrust  Coach Chris

The second Forgefather team in the league, opponents of Squat Thrust should be less worried about the incoming wall of compressed muscle and more worried about Chris' Vegas rolling.  Well renowned for his inability to roll lower than 5 he will undoubtedly drive opposing coaches insane with his statistically unbelievable luck.  Needless to say his dice are being subjected to rigorous drugs testing.

Team The Vaticlan  Coach  Austin

Its all tails, teeth and squeaks with this one as Austin fields the Ver-myn.  Austin has had a couple of Dreadball games and has exhibited an attitude to inter-team violence that should be applauded.  With two rocket powered guards and the slipperiest strikers in the game (apart from maybe the Judwan) should give him the tools he needs to hurt his opponents on the scoreboard and the team bench.  Not too sure I like the idea of being touched by rats though ... I mean we all know how badly it turned out in the 14th Century.  Euw;  I'm going to get vaccinated.

That's all for now; but I'd like to leave you with this thought:  Like Adolf Hitler, Dreadball has only one ball.  But this one is made of titanium baby!

ParthianShot signing off