PCDBL - Its all gone a bit alien wing wong!

I was hoping to bring you coverage of the final round one matches in this blog sports fans, unfortunately terrorist action (they're renovating the floor in our gaming hall) and legal ineptitude (a solicitor screwed up my house move) meant that the games this week had to be postponed.  Lucky for you though we've got "Elwood and Kurts'  Probing Eye";  their view of some of the rising stars of the league.  To start with though let's look at the current league standings.

Alpha Division, Phat Conference

Team	Coach	Race	Played	Strike Difference	League Points
J-MEAT	Pete	Judwan	1	7	3
Brutal Deluxe	Dan	Void Siren	1	7	3
Squat Thrust	Chris	Forge Fathers	0	0	0
TBC	Phil	Zz'or	0	0	0
Panzerkrieg	Spencer	Robot	1	-7	0

Alpha Division is shaping up to be a division of of extremes!  J-MEAT and Brutal Deluxe are the two highest scoring teams in the entire league so far and tickets for their future match up are already selling like bottled water during a cholera outbreak.  Squat Thrust and the as yet unnamed Zz'or team (they're enigmatic bastards as well as getting into your skirting boards) have yet to play leaving Panzerkrieg languishing at the bottom.  With only one game down though there is plenty of opportunity to turn the table on its head.

Beta Division, Phat Conference

Team	Coach	Race	Played	Strike Difference	League Points
The Vaticlan	Austin	Veer-myn	1	2	2
Psychotic Stunties	Lee Oswin	Forge Fathers	1	2	2
Helheim Serpents	Alaisdhair	Forge Fathers	1	-2	1
Titanium Terrors	Stuart J	Robots	1	-2	1
Lady Destroying Behemoths	Ross Koch-McLovin	Trontek 29ers	1	-7	0

Some cagey, defensive games in the first round is reflected in the league standings.  They were brutal though with Beta Division having had the most fatalities of any of the divisions.  Only the Lady Destroying Behemoths are lagging but again, its all still to play for.

Delta Division, Cats Conference

Team	Coach	Race	Played	Strike Difference	League Points
Rico's Roaches	Ant	Zz'orr	1	1	2
Crimson Corpse Creators	Coops	Orx	1	-1	0
Zhambel Horsemen	Rob Howard	Trontek 29ers	0	0	0
Super Nashwan	Gaz	Void Siren	0	0	0
The Disrespecters	Darrell	Veer-myn	0	0	0

Another really tight (ooo, matron!) division if the first match was anything to go by.  There's another clash of human teams styles in the offing with Super Nashwan and Zhambel Horsemen squaring off which will certainly be one to watch.

Gama Division, Cats Conference

Team	Coach	Race	Played	Strike Difference	League Points
L.C.B.W.	Nick	Judwan	1	5	2
Iron Sparkies	Jake	Trontek 29ers	1	-5	1
Guttersnipe Racketeers	Lee Upton	Veer-myn	0	0	0
Olympiakos Paiderastes	Sonny	Trontek 29ers	0	0	0
Jackhammers	Jack	Robots	0	0	0

LCBW managed to win their first match giving them an early lead in Gamma Division however, all the pundits are asking, will their failure to secure a landslide victory against the Iron Sparkies make them vulnerable later on?  Only time will tell!

Elwood and Kurt's Probing Eye

Elwood T. Bone
Welcome sexy people to our first Probing Eye of the season.  We'll be looking at those players who have made their mark ...

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
... quite literally in some cases ...

Elwood T. Bone
... on the league so far!

ALPHA DIVISION

Elwood T. Bone
Let's take at look at Alpha Division first, Kurt.  J-MEAT are sitting pretty right at the top their thanks to their star strikers ... err ... is that a "K"?

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
How the frack-a-nola should I know Elwood?  That's no writing I've ever seen before - I thought someone had sneezed on my script.  For the purposes of this Probing Eye #4 is Shitweasel and #5 is Fudgerocket; near as god-dammit as I'm going to get to their names.

Elwood T. Bone
Didn't you win an award once for cross species cultural understanding Kurt?

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Yeah but only after I threatened to beat the voting panel to death with a Zz'or's gentalia if they didn't vote for me.

Elwood T. Bone
In any case those those freaky Judwan are scoring machines.  Who knows by the end of the season Shitweasel and Fudgerocket could both be in the running for the Golden Glove for top scorer.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
If we're talking about records lets look at one player that has set the bar high for everyone in his first match; Dutch Van Haegan, #1 Guard for Brutal Deluxe achieved the fastest league kill with a Rush 2, Action 2 kill.  I've always said the best defence is a brutal and efficient maiming of the opponent; strikers can't score if they're dead!

Elwood T. Bone

Unfortunately true, Kurt.  Brutal Deluxe have two of the top scoring strikers as well to go with their monster guard.  #11 Thelonius Caine and #12 Kenshi "Kamikaze" Hatamoto both slammed home 4 pointers.  I sense a bit of rivalry between these two Kurt!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
They're strikers Elwood; it's probably just sexual tension ...

BETA DIVISION

Elwood T. Bone

Its the graveyard division!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Oh yes Elwood; this is the division where players come to die - IN THEIR DROVES!  Right at the top of this predatory food chain is Psychotic Stunties #1 Guard Borden Forgefist and his tag team partner, #2 Guard Gunnar Earbiter, between them them tallied two kills and a serious repair job.  A psychotically pleasing start to the season!

Elwood T. Bone

Indeed and if that were not enough #13 Striker Herger "Tugboat" Krems managed a 3 point strike.  Took him all game to get there though!  Personally I don't think "Tugboat" will be threatening for the Golden Glove by the end of the season but then I've seen Kurt holding a puppy so stranger things have happened!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
I was looking for somewhere to drown it.  I have to agree though Elwood; Forgefather strikers are about as much use as a prophylactic flavoured lollipop.  Watch those guards though sports fans!

Elwood T. Bone

If we're talking about top scorers we need to be looking at The Vaticlan my dangerously violent compatriot.  #3 Striker Skrittik Cheesewhizz and #5 Striker Renik Twitchflick both of whom delivered the strikes to win their first game and I have to say they are on fire.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Great news!  I've often thought cooking Veer-myn could solve many problems!

Elwood T. Bone

Not literally on fire; its an expression ... can I just ask what your IQ is again Kurt?

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Anything over 60 is wasted on a true Dreadballer ...

Elwood T. Bone

So somewhere in the low 50's then I'm guessing.  That's all for now oh Disciples of Dreadball.  In the next programme we'll be looking at the new talent in Delta and Gamma divisions and previewing the frenzied bidding as the MVP market opens for the first time this season.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Yes its a real meat-market ...

Elwood T. Bone

Reminds me of an Asterian Courtesan auction I went to once; so difficult to tell the genders apart and yet intriguing experiences either way you went ...

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Your are a rancid, weeping carbuncle on the forehead of humanity Elwood.  I'm off to get hosed down.